I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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