forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
