If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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