And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
