and my herpes radar will keep us safe
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
