u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
