doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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