i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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