I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
