You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
