Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
