Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
