you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
time to smoke my breakfast
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
