Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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