come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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