Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
