carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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