The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
