And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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