hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
