I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
