Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
