Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
