my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
