my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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