Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize