I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
And the cops told us we were all naked.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
