I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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