dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
