Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
we're so committed to being not committed
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
