how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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