I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
