its not stalking. its research.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
