Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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