If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
