I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
