He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
