We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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