the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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