You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize