New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
