it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
