my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
