when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
