I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
