i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
