i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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