I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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