Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.