Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The Olympian is in my bed