woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
