Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
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making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
third nipple confirmed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts