Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
