did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.