I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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