Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
