one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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