He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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