So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
