I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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