i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
