the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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