Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
