Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
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I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
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Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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