im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
