The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
