Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
