and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
