The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
