I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
