I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
