How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
