It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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