He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
