two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
