is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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